Feeling Stuck

Feeling Stuck? It May Be Learned Helplessness

Feeling stuck can be debilitating.

Part of you wants to move in a particular direction with your life, but for whatever reason, you don't. It might even feel like you can't.

Thoughts such as:

• What's the point?

• It never works out for me.

• I can’t do it.

• I'll never overcome this.

can leave you feeling trapped, discouraged, and disconnected from your sense of possibility.

Sometimes, feeling stuck is the result of what psychologists call learned helplessness.

When a person repeatedly encounters situations where their efforts seem ineffective, they may begin to believe that nothing they do will make a difference. Over time, this can lead to passivity—not because they lack ability, but because experience has taught them that action is unlikely to help.

Consider a child who is repeatedly bullied and discovers that staying quiet and invisible decreases the negative attention.

Or a person whose confidence has been repeatedly undermined and begins to doubt their own judgment, relying on others to make decisions for them.

Perhaps someone who experiences repeated failures comes to believe that success is for other people and stops pursuing higher opportunities.

Or someone who is consistently criticized or dismissed learns that speaking up isn't worth the risk and gradually becomes silent.

In each of these examples, the person learned something important:

My actions don't make a difference.

Over time, that belief can lead to passivity, self-doubt, and a reduced willingness to take risks—even when circumstances have changed and opportunities for success are available.

Common signs of learned helplessness include:

• Low motivation

• Difficulty recognizing personal successes

• Self-doubt

• Reduced confidence in one's ability to create change

• Choosing familiar discomfort over the uncertainty of change.

What Dogs Can Teach Us About Feeling Stuck

In the 1960s, psychologist Martin Seligman conducted a series of experiments that helped explain this phenomenon.

The experiments were controversial and would not be permitted under today's ethical standards. However, they provided important insights into how helplessness develops—and how it can be overcome.

In one study, dogs were exposed to unavoidable electric shocks. Some dogs were given a way to stop the shocks by pressing a panel with their noses, while others had no means of escape and no control over what was happening.

Later, all of the dogs were placed in a new environment containing a low barrier. When shocks were introduced, the dogs that had previously experienced control quickly jumped over the barrier and escaped.

The dogs that had learned they were powerless did something very different.

Even though escape was now possible, they remained where they were and endured the shocks.

Their previous experiences had taught them that their actions didn't matter, and they continued responding as though they had no power—even when the situation had changed.

Like the dogs in Seligman's experiment, people who develop learned helplessness may become remarkably skilled at enduring painful, frustrating, or unsatisfying circumstances. Over time, the discomfort of remaining where they are can begin to feel more manageable than the uncertainty, vulnerability, or potential disappointment that comes with trying something new.

The Most Important Part of the Study

One of the most fascinating findings came when researchers tried to help the dogs relearn that they could escape.

Verbal encouragement didn't work.

Offering rewards didn't work.

The breakthrough came when researchers physically guided the dogs over the barrier. After experiencing success a few times, the dogs began jumping over the barrier on their own.

In other words, they had to move their legs before their brains could recognize their ability to change the outcome.

Moving Your Legs

This research is often used as a metaphor for people who have spent years feeling powerless, defeated, or stuck.

If this resonates with you, "moving your legs" means taking action—even when you don't fully believe it will help.

The action doesn't have to be dramatic.

It might mean:

• Getting out of bed and taking a shower

• Making the phone call you’ve been avoiding

• Taking a walk around the block instead of staying inside

• Applying for the job

• Picking up the paintbrush and putting something on the canvas

• Writing one paragraph

• Speaking your truth, even if your voice trembles

The goal isn't perfection.

The goal is movement.

Learned helplessness develops through repeated experiences of powerlessness. Often, the way out begins with small experiences of agency.

Each step sends a new message to your brain:

My actions matter.

And sometimes, that single realization is the first step toward getting unstuck.

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